New Years Eve, Eve

2012, what a year!

So many funerals, sadness and goodbyes.

There are some years your just glad to wave goodbye too, as you can't believe the next year could be worse.  I did feel that last year but realise this year is one that I will stagger to the end of tomorrow.

I do wonder what 2012 will bring, is there another financial crisis looming, global conflict, or will we have a year that is calm, one where we can take stock, spend time with friends and family and 'smell the roses'

As we move into 2012 I do hope for a year with less stress, full of fun and laughter.

Happy New Year

I don't understand

Today I got that phone call, that one that starts off with
 
 "I have some bad news for you"

Someone I know, had taken their life, suicide.....

I don't understand, I have felt down, I have even felt like everyone would be better off without me.  At those 3am dark hours,  before dawn and the promise of the day and the future.


So close to Christmas, I feel myself numbly looking around, like the pin has pricked that Christmas bubble.


I think the question will haunt me for days to come, 


How can you feel there is no way out but to obliterate yourself?

Star Wars Christmas

What a fun time we had a work today putting together our 'Star Wars Christmas' decorations.

It didn't take long but it was so much fun.  Carols playing in the background and we even found a song titles.

"R2D2 wishes you a Merry Christmas"

Sometimes its those moments in life that make you smile that can truly make all the difference.

One kick too many

Today is a struggle, to get up, to smile to just take the next step.

One kick too many and I find myself spiraling down into a depressed ball crying on the floor.

You look back at the things that have happened and any, by them selves would not have had this effect, it's the accumulative effect of one on to of the other to the point you just don't want to even attempt to get up.

So today I am wearing blah clothes, can't find my smile.

Tomorrow is a new day, but today I give myself permission to feel bad and down, everyone deserves one day to feel bad, when bad stuff happens.

Public Displays of Affection (yes I'm going to vent)

I have never worried about showing PDA's (public displays of emotion), it showed a free spirit that wasn't embarrassed with passion.

Today however, I got on the bus and found a seat only to find the seat directly in front of me was a couple that proceeded to make out all the way home, on a ever increasingly packed bus.

I started thinking hmm where do I look, out the window is kind of over their heads, not a good thing. I could look out the other window, but there was so many people I was almost looking into a poor guys crotch...not that way either.

So I spent the remaining trip home looking at my knees.

i have never been so tempted in my life to utter those immortal words,    

Would you get a room?

Two young goths, totally dressed in black, studs, eyeliner and pale as anything making out on a crowded bus, totally oblivious to the rest of us all trying not to look and hoping they get off the bus at the next stop so we can get back to normal.

I feel like I have gotten old and I didn't even realise it :(

When are you lost?

I have often pondered this philosophical question in the past.

When are you lost?

When you realise your lost or is it before and you just haven't become aware?

Yesterday I had a chance to truly test out my theory.

Daydreaming, which I tend to do way to often, I missed my bus stop and went  one bus stop too far.  After getting off the bus I am confident I know where I am and how to get home so start walking in a direction I am sure will take me back to the road I should of been on.

This however didn't happen.

I find myself, eventually one suburb too far and still no road going in the direction I want.

I am not lost...yet

I turn around and go back the way I came from and turn down a road heading towards the direction I wish to go.  I want it noted that at this point, I am still not lost in my own mind just frustrated that I couldn't get to where I wanted the way I had been heading.

As I walk down this cross street I look down another street and see a building I identify but not where it should of been at all.

At this point I feel myself hyperventilating...I had been lost and didn't even realise it, going in the wrong direction and now on top of everything I feel disoriented because the building, I now can recognise, is in a spot I can't orientate myself around yet.

Getting home, over an hour late and 4kms walking out of the way, I walk in the door sit on the lounge and burst into tears like a big girl.

I am geographically challenged but most the time I allow for this and take precautions, but yesterday it hit me with avengence and now I can assert.

You are lost, even if you don't know your lost....

because.....

YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!

The way to start your week!

Today has been one of those strange days where things go well and you're almost waiting for someone to burst the bubble.

The bus arrived, just as I got to the bus stop, always a very good sign.

Half way to work on the train, a notice someone starting to chuckle at the book he was reading.  The further we went the louder the laughter went.

I think everyone on my carriage was smiling by the end at the total abandon this gentlemen had with the book he was reading.  I was determined to ask him, as I got off the train, what book he was reading.

The stop before mine, he jumped up quickly and raced off the train.

I am never know the name of the book he was reading but I think I can be confident that that man brightened the day of at least ten people with his happiness.

Wish I knew what book he was reading!

Blessings in disguise

Have you ever had to listen to a conversation you would rather do anything else even cleaning the toilet, feeling like things can never be the same again, the world slightly tipping.

Sleep eludes you, tossing and turning and when you do finally fall asleep only to have your dreams turn to nightmares.

In the morning you're tired, exhausted and deeply sad, but need to put on a happy face and 'keep going'.  Maybe its the English 'stip upper lip' or the Aussie, 'Don't let the bastards keep you down' but you get up and plaster on the smile hoping no one can see past the facade to the sadness beneath.

Hoping to find a friendly face online the second I log on a very special friend sends me a Good morning.   Finally the sadness is exposed and true friendship holds me tight, helping me to see that ultimate question, I was not alone.


The situation is not changed at all but the sadness is now under control, no longer threatening to overwhelm. 


I am not sure I can see the sliver lining, quite yet, but I know that I am now looking. 

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

Deeply touched

The other day I received one of those emails from a colleague at work, that is sent to everyone, a little bit of a tear jerker, which leaves you with a feeling of 'warm fuzzies' inside.

This is not totally unexpected, the girls at work know I love to read these things and so often get them and if I do get a chance at lunch time I read them.

This one was about telling people you honour them, started with a teaching to her students telling them what she appreciated and honoured in them and giving them 3 extra ribbons to give to others, to keep the spark alive.

The story followed one boy, who took his ribbon to a person in a local business that had assisted him in working out his career path, told him how much he appreciated him and his efforts, on his behalf and could he put a ribbon on him.  The middle management guy was then handed a two ribbons and told that the idea was to keep the spark alive and to give it to someone he wanted to honour.    

The middle management guy took it to his boss that he felt was very creative and gave it to him telling him how much he appreciated his creativity.  The boss was so taken back he smiled and accepted the ribbon and also the last ribbon to give to someone else.

The boss took it home gave it to his son saying about what had happened during the day and how much he appreciated him as his son and that he didn't get to spend near enough time with him.  OK this is the tear jerk part, the son says how early in the day he had written a letter saying goodbye to his Father and Mother and was planning to take his life as soon as they had gone to bed that night.  He didn't think his parents cared, but on receiving the ribbon he realised his mistake and didn't want to do that any more.

Yes, I cried at work, but I didn't sob, wouldn't of been very professional and sent back an email to my friend saying how much I appreciated the story and thank you for sending it to me.

Her response back blew me away...

'You REALLY do make a difference in this office, thank you'

I was deeply touched and yes it made a difference to me.

New Trend

I have been noticing, of late, the new trend with 'Man Bags'

It use to be that a wallet was all that was needed which could be placed in a back pocket of suit pants or suit jacket.

Then there was the brief case where glasses, chocolate biscuits, car keys, security swipe cards and of course the wallet, could be placed.

This morning I notice how many sports bags, overnight bags, which are so empty its funny and yes the backpack which I can't believe how much stuff is stuffed into.  I always thought that girls had a lot of stuff in their bags but the backpack is now winning the bag competition.

Wonder what will be next in the man bag stakes?

Crazy Friday

Today is officially Crazy Friday

The first altercation (biffo) I saw this morning at the train station I thought hmm its Friday and maybe someone was having a bad week.

The second, while sitting peacefully, yes I can be peaceful at times, at the coffee shop of the person shouting, at the top of her voice, what she felt about a person, we couldn't see in rather colourful language, sealed the deal.

I have had a look and it's not a full moon so the only excuse can be 19 August is Crazy Friday

Please take the necessary precautions, as strange and often dangerous events will take place in your general vicinity,

1. Do not under any circumstances turn around and look, as this will only encourage the crazies to notice you and therefore become the target.
2. As the incident happens, pretend you can not hear, or see anything and move in an orderly manner to the opposite side of the street, or walkway.
3. If the above two rules you feel are going to be a problem, stay indoors and watch TV, as this will be the safest course of action.

Poetry that makes my soul soar

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! 

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to
hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with JOY, mine or your own: if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself: if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes" !

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary
and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Just a tiny seed

One day while I was out walking
I came across a small seed
Captured by the possibilities
I planted the seed in a corner of my garden

Each day I was amazed how much the seed had grown
First as a tiny sapling with is new leaves
Then as it grew its straight stem that reached for the sky
I didn't know what it would grow into

I found myself drawn each day to my garden
To a tiny corner that use to be so bare
The tiny seed has now become a tree
The most wonderful tree in my garden

Its branches shade the whole garden
I can not imagine a time it was not there
Each day it grows more magnificent
And yet I know that tomorrow it will have grown just a little more

Today I came to visit the tree
A deep sadness filled my heart
The tree is sick, the very ground is troubled
Yellow leaves cover the ground, bark is flaking of the trunk


The smell of sulphur overwhelms me
The ground is charred, the tree black and lifeless
The ground crumbles, the tree falling into a gaping hole
Nothing is left, just the memory of what was, and what may of been

Thing that make you go hmmmmm

I will start by saying that I have seen this before today but today it really did make me go hmmm as I saw the interaction take place.

This morning on the train, it was rather full, people were starting to fill up all the spare seats. 

It seems to be that, of a 3 seater and a 2 seater opposite, the way a train will fill with passengers is like this. 

• two seater seat with one person
• then the 3 seater with only one person,
• then the three seater with a second person but with space between
• second seat on 2 seater
• lastly the third seat (mostly in the middle) of the three seater.

Now this is standard we all know this and accept that as the train gets more and more people you have to give up your personal bubble to allow others to sit down.

This morning as the train starts to fill with people we are up to the second seat of the 2 seater being filled.  Now always remember there is a way of getting around this or making the newcomers want to sit somewhere else.  I like to call this technique 'looking fat' you sit in the middle of the seat, absolutely no eye contact. 

This will work unless there are no other seats or you have run into one of those people that will insist in sitting in the seat they want.

Ok back to this morning, the train has filled to 2 seater having one person 2 seater having 2 and now the 2 seater will fill with people.  One girl decides she is doing the 'looking fat' approach, now if you try this approach you really do need to be aware of what is going on and be read to forgo the said space if requested.  Which is exactly what happened this morning.  A lady asks to sit down, which means the bag, coffee thermos need to move off the spare seat giving the lady space to sit down.  So of course if you move the bag and mug to the other side of yourself, you're really not making any more room your still taking up more than your space.  So the lady says a second time can you move your bag I can't sit down.

I had to laugh at the look on the girls face, classic, one for the lady who didn't fall for the 'looking fat' and took her space.

When life gets out of control

Have you ever had the situation where you can see things getting messy, despite your best efforts, you see things unravelling before you eyes, and you're unable to stop it. 

Sometimes it's due to the fact you don't have the emotional energy to change things, or you just feel for everyone else involved, its best you let things just run their course without interference.

The later is often the hardest to do and I find myself at this crossroad, do I let things go as they are or do I try and stop things.

Care for those around you can stop you from forcing situations, no matter how much you would like too.   Because when you do, it's what you want and not what the others may need or want.

Today I feel in a very sombre mood, even seeing someone on the bus that had a beanie that had rather long strands of wool halfway down her back so she looked like she had green and red dreadlocks hair, could not shake this mood I find myself in.

And so I let things continue as they are, I stop trying to change or alter things, I let them run their own course and deep down I already realise the ramification of this and feel a deep sense of sadness.

The worst three weeks of my life...

I still feel numb, the tears have left my eye's dry and gritty.

Let me start back to two weeks ago.

We get a call that my brother-in-law is sick with pneumonia and not getting better, they are not sure why but they are doing tests.

Sounds simple.

Two days later we get a call, they have found signs of cancer and they are going to do more tests on 25 August.  Still nothing to really worry about many cancers can be cured.  We are concerned but don't worry too much.

Three days later, he has been rushed to hospital because he is looking distinctly yellow and there looks like there is a problem with his liver.  The cancer tests have been put forward to three days time, the day after our Aunty's funeral.  This is now the Saturday and we do a flying visit on the Sunday to see him.  A little yellow does not do justice to the way he looks, he has lost a lot of weight and I have to say I am very worried, however at this point I think I'm the only person in the family worried, they are all talking tablets and Kemmo and all will be well.

The day of the funeral we phone up to get the results of the tests.....

He has days to live

How does this happen? Surely not in this advanced time when we know so much and can test for just about anything.

I break down at work when I get this news, I have never sobbed at work before but I did when I hung up the phone.

I am not ready to bury Neil.

Already we had a holiday planned but we pull a few strings and leave the next day.  This is last Saturday, he looks so much worse, he is in a great deal of pain is talking about getting out of bed and going home and none of the medication seems to be helping him at all. 

Sunday I wake to a voice saying, "Get up you have a funeral to organise"

We phone the hospital to find out they have had the worst night and rush straight up there with some nice hot coffee and some fresh faces.

I am not sure I will ever forget this day, its Sunday, only a week and a half from when we are told of the cancer.

During the day they do change the medication but now he has slipped into a coma, his lovely wife, bless her heart doesn't realise he is in a coma and thinks he is finally resting peacefully.  I start to count the seconds between breaths, when I get to 6 seconds I know it will not be long now.  Eventually we have to go and we are on the way back to the apartment when we get a call, Neil has passed away can we come back.

I don't think I was truly ready for what I saw when we walked back in the room, his son was phoning up letting people know, his wife is prostrate across his body sobbing inconsolably and his daughter is sitting is shock, rocking back and forward on her chair, no tears, and such a very vacant look.

That was a week and a day ago.

Today we laid Neil to rest and it was only 3 weeks ago the cancer was not there three weeks ago when testing was done, it was so aggressive that by the Friday a week after finding it his liver and kidney have failed and there is a massive tumor in his lungs.

I know Neil is in a better place, but I know I am going to miss him terribly.

But im sick

For the past couple of days I have truly enjoyed coughing and sneezing and loosing my voice.

We have all been sick, runny nose and eyes, cough, the consistent sneezing.  All we want is a little sympathy and a hot cup of tea.

Have you noticed some peoples response to you though, like you are a plague carrier and are infecting all and sundry but you presence.

Of course I have been sad and sorry for myself, I don't mean to sneeze it just happens, the same as the cough, I am using a tissue to cover my face.  Please don't look at me like I'm Typhoid Mary..


I'm sick....
 

When that curve ball finally hits you

I had said in a previous post that I had felt that the axe man was hovering above my head and was I ready for what was to come...

Last night the phone rings, even before the phone is answered you just know you don't want to.  Something is wrong and if you don't answer the phone call you can pretend that everything is ok.

How do you prepare yourself for bad news, well outside of refusing to hear it. 

A close family member has cancer!

Lung, liver and kidney

You're numb as your listening giving all the right answers, you hope, and working out how quickly you can take time off work and go and see them.

The specialist has not been contacted yet but are we talking weeks, months or years?

Today is one of those surreal days where everyone is going about life, as they should, and you are just trying to put one foot in front of the other.  As people looked me in the eye this morning I couldn't help wonder if they could tell that something was troubling me or do I do a very good job of covering my shock?

I don't know if I will feel better in two weeks when I get to see him and assess for myself how well he is or shock at seeing how much weight he has lost and how jaundice he looks.

So I get down on my knees to pray, pray that the right words will be given to me that will help him, not me and that I haven't left it too late in going to visit.

ps.  Just had a phone call to say my Aunty has died. (this was not the same family member referred to above) I am finding today a little hard to handle without tears right now.

pss. 2 days later - my brother in law has been rushed to hospital, no idea of his condition yet, tomorrow I see how he is, I don't feel confident about what I'm going to find, or how long he has left to live.

Brave new world

Today I enter the brave new world that is IPhone's.

I have resisted this world wide phenomena of IPhone's till now but today, today I become one of the sheep and have to navigate my way around app stores.

Normally, with new technology, I am always an early adopter, loving the newest and fastest whatever.  Mobiles however I really resisted, maybe it was how I see people almost addicted to these devices unable to interact with people around them or even continue with a conversation because someone was calling/emailing/texting or now playing a game with them.

Wish me luck as I try and work out how to type with my thumbs, all this time I have learned to touch type and now I learn to type with thumbs, who would of predicted that one.

That strange feeling

I woke this morning with that feeling that everything was not right.  You can't quiet put your finger on it just that eerie feeling, that sense of foreboding.

You find yourself looking over your shoulder, double guessing all your decisions and looking at everyone you meet in that 'What are you up to' way.

I hate to live like the axeman has his axe poised over your head but there are some days you just know something is going to knock you for six, and you just hope your strong enough for whatever is coming your way.

Waking dream

I have been feeling like I have been in a waking dream all day.

Fell asleep on the train this morning only to wake and look panicked around, firstly to see if I had gone past my stop and secondly to see if anyone is snickering in my general direction because I had been snoring.

Meeting at work, dosed off again....

Lunch, you will be pleased to know I stayed awake but only because I sat at a coffee shop with friends and it was cold so the cool air kept me alert.

I have to say its quite nice to have that 'floating through the day feel' but hope I don't need to snap into alert mode at a moments notice, I could have some problems with that.

You know you're tired when...

...you try and drink from your thermos mug and can't work out why you can't get any tea, only to find out you have actually closed the lid, not opened it. (sad thing is it took the third failed attempted to realise this fact :()

...you press the button on your computer to open the CD/DVD compartment only to realise you have actually pressed the off button.

...when you get up late, run out of the house without your house keys, to have to sit on the front step for half an hour till someone comes home and let you in.

Midnight walk though the rainforest

Sometimes you have experiences that you just  know you will always remember.

The night is lit by a three quarter moon, the air is crisp and we are heading to a glow worm cave through the rain forest.

I have never bush walked at night before, always I can hear my mothers voice that it's not safe.  However, if you want to see glow worms glow, you need to see them at night.  So off we went to see these amazing little creatures.

They were so much better than I could of dreamt.  Tiny points of light, in the darkness.  They did warn about the trap door and funnel web spiders who like to hide out at the bottom of the glow worm webs to get an easy feed and that any snake, this time of year, should be hibernating.

What I didn't expect was the waterfall, lit by the moon...simply amazing.

The rabble

Looking forward to a lovely hot chocolate and waffle at our local chocolate shop a group of girlfriends and myself notice a crowd. 


People are looking at the crowd but you know people do that kinda thing, and we really really want our hot chocolate, its a cold day and we have been looking forward to this all afternoon.


I do notice the bull horn but really all that is on my mind is that lovely hot chocolate.

It isn't till we are sitting in the shop, ordered and enjoying an after work girls chat that we realise the crowd has stopped outside OUR shop.

The chanting starts and suddenly we notice, for the first time, the placards and flags.

How did we end up in the middle of a Palestinian demonstration and what is an Israeli flag doing in the mix?

These questions ran through our mind as the 10 police showed up, the security guards surrounded the shop and our hot chocolates and waffle arrive.

It occurs to me that we can very easily end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and suddenly have to reassess plans we thought were great, when we first made them.

Note to self: Be more observant when a crowd of placard waving people are about, there could be trouble!

Random roses

You would be surprised the random and amazing things you see, on the way to the bus stop.

Today, on the hood of a car were 12 of the most beautiful red roses.

What can you say to seeing something like that except...

Wow! 

Serendipitous moments

At the most unexpected moments something wonderful and beautiful can come into your life.

Walking to work rather quickly, because I had pushed the snooze maybe one time too many and was running a little late.  Outside the Police Youth Club they have a rather old piano, it is under a cover but outside and without a lot of knowledge of how piano's work I thought the moister of our rather wet weather would of affected the sound.

Someone was playing the most amazing classical piece and I have to say that it stopped me in my tracks, transported me elsewhere and made me, above all smile, and think that today can't possibly be too bad if I can hear such beauty.

I do love those serendipitous moments in life, they are reminders of the higher more important things in life.

Sour cream to torrential rain

You would of thought that at the point of making my breakfast and dropping a tub of sour cream on the floor, the packaging splitting and ending up with sour cream all over the place, I would of just gone back to bed.

You would think but no, the day seem to slowly but inevitably go down hill with one frustrating job after another till I hop of the bus, on the way home and the heavens opening and the rain just poured down.

The torrential rain lasted only to my front door.

Well the day is over now, I'm in bed.

Tomorrow has to be better, right?

Was that a stalker?

You get off the train with a single thought through your mind...

  How to navigate this crowd of people, across the road and onto my bus home

Most days this doesn't take a lot of navigating I can do it almost thinking of other things.  Yesterday seemed no different till I hear a voice behind me saying "Excuse me" its the type of comment that makes you stop and turn around, I mean you could of left something on the train, dropped some money out of your pocket, well anything. As I turn around there is a man standing behind me who calmly says "I just wanted to tell you that you are a very beautiful woman" Boy, how do you answer that one, so I just said Thank you. 

I make a bee line across the road to my bus stop and it hits me, this man has stalked me through a busy station about 300 metres to tell me this.

You get this uncomfortable feeling at that point and think was that sweet or did someone just stalk me and tell me I was pretty?

This morning I found myself a little paranoid with anyone that had to affront to have eye contact with me.  I knew I was being silly but I had been freaked a little by the incident.

So the question I am left with is "Was that a stalker?"

Silly doofusheads

You find yourself at a set of traffic lights.

There are two other people standing there, longer than you.

It's our turn....

The green walk sign doesn't blink...what the heck!!!

Glaring annoyed at the people standing there, no one of the doofusheads had pressed the button.

As I walked across the road I happened to look up at the sky, there looking back at me was the biggest full moon.

Say no more, its crazy night!

Thump in the middle of the night

Have you ever woken to screeching tires and a loud thunk!

Its the time of night you wake slightly queasy as fear has kicked in and you try to assess what you heard and what action should be taken.

The car that hit a very solid brick wall, was stolen, the gallant young man who drove the car, ran for his life up the road as soon as he was able.  His less mobile female passenger is looking for her thong (flip flop to you non Aussies) calling out loudly to the weary people staggering out of their houses, to see if anyone needs help.  She too runs up the road.

It is only then that the state of the car becomes more apparent.  The back window has been smashed in, the car, lodged into the brick wall of a nursing home, still has its engine running and as it has been started with a screw driver no one knows how to turn the it off.

The four police cars start scouring the neighbourhood and a rather large fire truck turns up, did I mention all of these have their flashing lights going and that it was 2am.

After a wake up like that I was wide awake, kinda peeking in the backyard to make sure that there are no fugitives hiding behind the shed.

It could so easily of been a more major accident, the car was out of control and as everyone was asleep many people were in the bedrooms, injuries could quite easily of been caused and even fatalities. 

I do hope our young fugitives are really thinking about what happened and what could of happened in the stark light of day.

Suits and Scooters

Have you ever seen someone in a suit, pushing off on a scooter? 

It is just wrong, the whole picture is wrong.  Today I saw this sight, now I will give you, he was wearing a little bike helmet but still, suit and scooter...they just don't go.

Its like they have not grown up and its the last vestige of childhood hanging on as they push down the sidewalk on their little metal scooters.

If you are one of the scooter suits, don't do it... 

It just looks childish.

Goodbye my friend

Today I said goodbye to an amazing individual.

Her Christian faith she wore proudly and she was always more concerned about others than herself.

She has run her race and is now singing with our Lord.

We are richer for having known and loved you.

Heading to the dentist

I think waiting to do something, you don't want to do, time definitely slows down.

I have an hour to wait before my dentist appointment and I think I have looked at the clock every 5 minutes.

You build the whole thing up in your mind to monstrous proportions and even knowing exactly what the dentist is going to do doesn't make this waiting any easier.

All I can be assured of is, in roughly 2hrs time, I will be poorer, sorer and a numb face.

Easter Bunny

I do love doing surprise things around the office.

Today, being the last work day before the Easter break I bought a large bag of Easter eggs, and put one egg on each persons keyboard.

It is always surprising the response you get to doing a 'randome act of kindness'

The reactions, when I'm caught in the act, is sufficient thanks.

If you wear rabbit ears in a busy mall, if you act normally ....no one will take any notice of you.

I tested this theory out today at lunch time and only one person noticed, and I do work with her.  I believe her comment was 'What the heck...ooOOOOo it's you" as she realised it was me wearing the bunny ears.

Absolute power

Mmmmmm power...

We were having an event at work where I was asked to 'meet and greet' people as they arrived.  Sounds simple!

The guys that were suppose to do the parking were late, so the gate key was handed to me...ohh the power!

There was maybe a situation were I waited for someone to get out of the car, walk over to me to ask to open the gate before I opened the gate.  On asking me why I didn't just open the gate I said

"I wanted you to come over and ask me"

It was at this point one of the managers at work suggested that the power was going to my head ...  I think he was right.

My boss gave me a quote from the Furry Logic book by Jane Seabrook

Power corrupts, absolute power is kinda neat!

Ohhhhh Yeaahhhhhhhh

Life throwing curve balls

Today I logged onto the news site to see a story about a young man that died expectantly of a cancer.

The face looked familiar but the story said he was an actor and so I thought I recognized him from TV.

Reading the story it started to dawn on me, I knew this person.  I went to Uni with him.

He was dux of our year getting first class honours.

What a curve ball life has thrown me today.

Rainy Saturdays

I love rainy days, they force us to relax and take it easy.

Today has been the wettest day in April and I have to say looking at my book on the bed and the cup of coffee on my bedside table, I can't say I am minding too much at all.

Not to mention the new Harry Potter movie all set to go.

So long as there are not too many...

Afraid of your own shadow

I can't believe it happened to me.

Walking calmly down the road to just after sunset.  I notice this long shadow in my peripheral vision.  Of course the natural response for any chicken is to ....walk faster.  The shadow was keeping up with me.

It's about now your heart beat starts to get faster and you want to look around but think if I do and there is someone large, dreadlocks and mean looking just behind me what will I do.

Then you realise you can't hear any foot steps behind you.  Brave now, you turn around to find no one.  

It's your own shadow and you groan inwardly for being such a doofus and scared by your own shadow.

Social Lama

I sat on the bus yesterday in front of a very odd pair of girls, they started talking about how if you get a face piercing (I believe they said beauty mark piercing) when you get older you would drool out of it.  Even ready Bram Stokers Dracula, at this comment I couldn't help listening.  Apparently Gen Y are going to be the ugliest old people ever because they take too many drugs and drink too much ohh yeah and the piercings in places I will not even mention will all lead to weird 'leakage'.  

Social Lama's are still a little bit of a mystery to me, if I go on the surrounding conversation, Social Lama's are what my generation would call a Nigel (sorry to all your Nigel's out there) Someone who is friendless and a social outcast.  This is of course based on the fact of how many perfect strangers can come up to you and say Hi, using your name, a Social Lama will have none the Socialite will have the entire student body of their university. 

I have to fess up to desperately wanting to see both these girls but as I alighted from the bus the lights changed so I could cross the street and I had to jog to make the lights, and when I turned back the bus was too far away and I couldn't see them.

I will just have to let my imagination fill in the blanks based on a very interesting overhead conversation on a very busy city bus.

Night birds

This has been a dislike that really wasn't an issue for years.

Friday night, walking home from a local pub, I notice some birds in my front tree.  Yes I know what your thinking, there are no birds at night.  I realise this now and the funny thing with these 'birds' they were flying in and hanging upside down by their feet.

That's when it hit me, I had bats in my front tree, LOTS OF BATS!

You feel your heart beat go into overdrive, your breathing becomes extremely fast and you say to yourself, whatever you do, don't scream coz they don't like loud sounds and people will think I am being attacked and come running.

I judge the distance to the front door and run, as fast as I can and peak out at the tree from under the porch.

I can't tell you how many bats I saw in my tree at that point, its a rather big tree.

Note to self, when going to the pub for dinner, you must always drive.

Phlam the ham

Yesterday Phlam the Ham took the stage!

Yes, I was asked to help out in a skit, produced and directed by one of my work mates in which I would be Phlam (Fa Lam) the candy maker extraordinaire.

Problems with the performance where, I felt so ready but about 20mins before we were ready to perform someone walks up to me and calmly asks me if I know of a type 1 Diabetic in the building as someone is starting to have a hypo and needs an injection.  

Its funny how lines you have looked at and know just float out your mind when someone asks you for a life threatening question.  Running around the building for the next hmm 15 mins looking for some medical knowledge and what we can do put all my lines out of my head.

The show must go on! and it did, we had a ball though I didn't miss any of my lines Phlam hammed it up quite well and had many people laughing along.  Not sure I really see myself as a trapeze artist but you know, go with the flow.

Polka power

Walking home tonight I was taken back by music blasting out of a passing car.

If you haven't guessed it by now it was polka.

I have to admit I did judge the man driving, I understand having unique likes but to have it bast out of an open car window.  You have to be very comfortable with yourself.

Yep he was judged, Polka Man!

Teen suicide

What causes a 17 year old to see there is no way out but to take their own life?

This question has plagued me all day, since first hearing of a young boy who took is life last night.

Its hard to know what goes through their mind but the depths of the hopelessness must of seemed insurmountable.

Tonight, my thoughts and prayers go out to his family as they try and understand why, if there ever can be a way to understand, and live through tomorrow.

Be my valentine!

I had the most wonderful night, last night.

Normally, I am such a sync when it comes to commercial days like Valentines Day.  One of two days a year, the other being Mothers Day, when florists can almost ask whatever they want for the saddest bunch of flowers, and worse we pay it.

Yesterday, was lovely, I made a  card myself, and put so much love into it and made a lovely dinner and watched movies together.  Simple yet very romantic and I'm still glowing today.

The sync is gone!  well till next year at least...

Young love

Tomorrow I am attending my nieces wedding.

I know there has been comment about the ages of the bridge and groom, both 20 and one still studying at University.

It should be a wonderful day, though I do know my sister is quite stressed that she has 'forgotten something really important' I know it will be wonderful day and I am quite sure that nothing has been forgotten.

We can't help stressed with those big moments in life that something significant has been overlooked but when it comes down to it all, the bride will be there, the groom will be there and those that care deeply about them both will be there.  Some food will be provided, so that we don't all pass out from hunger, and I am sure something to drink will be available.  What more could we possibly want?

So for now I pray that Laura and Matt have a wonderful day and that today, the day before their wedding, they are not panicking toooo much :)

Saying goodbye

I find saying goodbye one of the hardest things to do.

How do you find the words to express everything you feel for that person, I'm always left wanting when it comes to some eloquent speech that captures the depth of my feelings.

Yesterday, I said goodbye to a friend from work, someone that had made the time spent in the office, fun and left a smile on my face, the few times we worked together.

So many people have left lately, and I have not had the chance to say goodbye in person, but I realise that the people didn't always want that emotional farewell and so timed the email saying goodbye with their departure from the office.  In respecting their feelings and wishes I left, what I feel is an inadequite facebook messages and email.  

I am not sure that time will make farewells any easier, I think they should be hard, pull at our very souls that we have connected with another human being and now that relationship will change, for better or worse, only time will tell.

36 hrs to go......

Leadership course retreat

Sounds like it would be a good time away, but I am really not wanting to go.  I can't believe how much I am dreading the next 36hrs.

Talking about how I feel, dissecting others leadership styles.  All in cramped youth oriented accommodation with the bathroom being oh, at the end of the whole complex like a camp ground.  At least there is a swimming pool.

Did I mention I really don't want to go!

Only 36hrs to go :(

Feeling helpless

Tonight, Cyclone Yasi heads for the Queensland coast.

The biggest Cyclone to hit Australia in written history.

I have been watching this event take place feeling helpless. Having been through a Cyclone myself all I can do is pray for the people I have seen on the TV tonight, the fear I can see on their faces.  

Three hours from now it crosses the coast, tomorrow Australia will wake to see the damage, both the property and lives.  Will the Aussie spirit of 'she'll be right mate' be strong enough to get them back on their feet, I pray desperately that it is.  

From the bus window

On my way home yesterday I had been looking out the bus window thinking its been a terribly hot day what could I possibly see that would be note worthy.

A question a friend and I have been pondering of late, why is it some rules don't apply to everyone, that some people see themselves exempt from rules?

As if driving a car in a very congested city wasn't enough, lets add messaging on a mobile phone, coz you know you can see whats happening outside the car when your looking in your lap and just for fun lets add a toy dog sitting on the drivers lap.

As I saw this I thought, could you imagine the insurance claim, I was driving along and suddenly <insert stupid toy dog name like fluffy>  leaps out the window ducking between the tires of the incoming cars, and as I jump out the car to get my little pooch, the car behind didn't see me stop and hits me.

I am quite sure this same girl would of been horrified if someone did the same thing in front of her but you know, rules are not meant for everyone...right?

Needlephobia

Today I have got to go and get my shots for my trip next month.

It's not that I'm going to run screaming from the Doctor's surgery but I know there is going to be a level of anxiety that accompanies sitting in the waiting room, the chat as he prepares the shot and even as he says "this will sting a little"

The only bad experience I had, as a child, was going to the dentist and having good teeth pulled to make room for all my teeth.  He wasn't the nicest of Dentists and definitely not kid friendly but he wasn't mean to me just didn't want me to cry while he was doing the procedure.

Could something as simple as that, and I'm sure I wasn't the only person that has had good teeth pulled in the chair and not in a hospital, that has causes this level of anxiety for such a simple thing.

Logic tells me that it is the best thing, it will stop me getting the actual diseases and that I will have a wonderful time, if this is done.

So I take myself to the surgery, sit there reading my Ebook, trying to distract myself, and take it for the team.

Wish me luck!

Weather that makes you melt

The weather for the past week has been so hot I find myself standing longer at the fridge, just to get the relief from the cool breeze dropping on my feet.

Finding reasons to be in the air conditioned car and the best one of all, for a person that hates shopping at overcrowded shopping centres, reasons to go and buy things just so that I can stop feeling so exhausted.

I know it can't keep up, but this heat spell has been hard to handle.

Unexpected surprise

The song I heard as I walked to my train this morning.

Buskers often catch me by surprise, to be walking thinking or concentrating on where your going and suddenly there is music, lyrics that catch you by surprise.

Bob Dylan doesn't need huge backing, a guitar and a space to be heard.

How many roads must a man walk down,
before you call him a man?
How many seas must a white dove fly,
before she sleeps in the sand?
And how many times must a cannon ball fly,
before they're forever banned?

I don't think I have ever heard Bob's songs being played without being struck by the words, some songs it's the melody but Bob Dylan's songs are always the words for me, they speak to the heart, they make you ask questions.

Questions that I think our world is still along way from finding the answers to.

Little Green Army Men

Very freaky to turn around, at work,  and see ....tiny little green lego army men, in various poses and yes, one is pointed my way.


I realise my co-worker loves lego, but I have to say little freaked out by the little army men.


What is it that causes us all to have very strange quirks that are not confined to the house/bedroom or well not the workplace?


I guess I will get use to the lego, eventually but for now..


Freaked out by the green lego men.

Waking up to the rain

There is something very comforting about waking up, at some random time during the night, to hear that quiet pitter pat outside your window.

The smell in the air is clean and there is a cool breeze blowing, cleaning away all the heat of the previous day.

I woke this morning with an expectation for me day.  Not that I know anything exciting is going to happen but it just feelings like there is a zing in the air.

I can't wait for the day to start.

A so it begins

It is going to be an interesting journey.  I do hope you enjoy the meandering path.

There is something so very refreshing about walking in a summer rain shower.  The air is fresh and clean, everything looks newly washed and sparkling.

I can't help but smile when these serendipitous moments happen to me.

Living in a big city, everything is rushed and busy, people don't see each other except as obstacles to be walking around.  But to take the time to see things, the bird that has just hopped in your path, the homeless man that is stilling outside the train station. 

We get rather good at 'not seeing'.... take the time today to just see one thing you didn't notice before, big or small and you will be surprised the difference it can make to your day.