I had said in a previous post that I had felt that the axe man was hovering above my head and was I ready for what was to come...
Last night the phone rings, even before the phone is answered you just know you don't want to. Something is wrong and if you don't answer the phone call you can pretend that everything is ok.
How do you prepare yourself for bad news, well outside of refusing to hear it.
A close family member has cancer!
Lung, liver and kidney
You're numb as your listening giving all the right answers, you hope, and working out how quickly you can take time off work and go and see them.
The specialist has not been contacted yet but are we talking weeks, months or years?
Today is one of those surreal days where everyone is going about life, as they should, and you are just trying to put one foot in front of the other. As people looked me in the eye this morning I couldn't help wonder if they could tell that something was troubling me or do I do a very good job of covering my shock?
I don't know if I will feel better in two weeks when I get to see him and assess for myself how well he is or shock at seeing how much weight he has lost and how jaundice he looks.
So I get down on my knees to pray, pray that the right words will be given to me that will help him, not me and that I haven't left it too late in going to visit.
ps. Just had a phone call to say my Aunty has died. (this was not the same family member referred to above) I am finding today a little hard to handle without tears right now.
pss. 2 days later - my brother in law has been rushed to hospital, no idea of his condition yet, tomorrow I see how he is, I don't feel confident about what I'm going to find, or how long he has left to live.
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