Today is officially Crazy Friday
The first altercation (biffo) I saw this morning at the train station I thought hmm its Friday and maybe someone was having a bad week.
The second, while sitting peacefully, yes I can be peaceful at times, at the coffee shop of the person shouting, at the top of her voice, what she felt about a person, we couldn't see in rather colourful language, sealed the deal.
I have had a look and it's not a full moon so the only excuse can be 19 August is Crazy Friday
Please take the necessary precautions, as strange and often dangerous events will take place in your general vicinity,
- Do not under any circumstances turn around and look, as this will only encourage the crazies to notice you and therefore become the target.
- As the incident happens, pretend you can not hear, or see anything and move in an orderly manner to the opposite side of the street, or walkway.
- If the above two rules you feel are going to be a problem, stay indoors and watch TV, as this will be the safest course of action.
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to
hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with JOY, mine or your own: if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself: if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes" !
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary
and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
One day while I was out walking
I came across a small seed
Captured by the possibilities
I planted the seed in a corner of my garden
Each day I was amazed how much the seed had grown
First as a tiny sapling with is new leaves
Then as it grew its straight stem that reached for the sky
I didn't know what it would grow into
I found myself drawn each day to my garden
To a tiny corner that use to be so bare
The tiny seed has now become a tree
The most wonderful tree in my garden
Its branches shade the whole garden
I can not imagine a time it was not there
Each day it grows more magnificent
And yet I know that tomorrow it will have grown just a little more
Today I came to visit the tree
A deep sadness filled my heart
The tree is sick, the very ground is troubled
Yellow leaves cover the ground, bark is flaking of the trunk
The smell of sulphur overwhelms me
The ground is charred, the tree black and lifeless
The ground crumbles, the tree falling into a gaping hole
Nothing is left, just the memory of what was, and what may of been
I will start by saying that I have seen this before today but today it really did make me go hmmm as I saw the interaction take place.
This morning on the train, it was rather full, people were starting to fill up all the spare seats.
It seems to be that, of a 3 seater and a 2 seater opposite, the way a train will fill with passengers is like this.
- two seater seat with one person
- then the 3 seater with only one person,
- then the three seater with a second person but with space between
- second seat on 2 seater
- lastly the third seat (mostly in the middle) of the three seater.
Now this is standard we all know this and accept that as the train gets more and more people you have to give up your personal bubble to allow others to sit down.
This morning as the train starts to fill with people we are up to the second seat of the 2 seater being filled. Now always remember there is a way of getting around this or making the newcomers want to sit somewhere else. I like to call this technique 'looking fat' you sit in the middle of the seat, absolutely no eye contact.
This will work unless there are no other seats or you have run into one of those people that will insist in sitting in the seat they want.
Ok back to this morning, the train has filled to 2 seater having one person 2 seater having 2 and now the 2 seater will fill with people. One girl decides she is doing the 'looking fat' approach, now if you try this approach you really do need to be aware of what is going on and be read to forgo the said space if requested. Which is exactly what happened this morning. A lady asks to sit down, which means the bag, coffee thermos need to move off the spare seat giving the lady space to sit down. So of course if you move the bag and mug to the other side of yourself, you're really not making any more room your still taking up more than your space. So the lady says a second time can you move your bag I can't sit down.
I had to laugh at the look on the girls face, classic, one for the lady who didn't fall for the 'looking fat' and took her space.
Have you ever had the situation where you can see things getting messy, despite your best efforts, you see things unravelling before you eyes, and you're unable to stop it.
Sometimes it's due to the fact you don't have the emotional energy to change things, or you just feel for everyone else involved, its best you let things just run their course without interference.
The later is often the hardest to do and I find myself at this crossroad, do I let things go as they are or do I try and stop things.
Care for those around you can stop you from forcing situations, no matter how much you would like too. Because when you do, it's what you want and not what the others may need or want.
Today I feel in a very sombre mood, even seeing someone on the bus that had a beanie that had rather long strands of wool halfway down her back so she looked like she had green and red dreadlocks hair, could not shake this mood I find myself in.
And so I let things continue as they are, I stop trying to change or alter things, I let them run their own course and deep down I already realise the ramification of this and feel a deep sense of sadness.
I still feel numb, the tears have left my eye's dry and gritty.
Let me start back to two weeks ago.
We get a call that my brother-in-law is sick with pneumonia and not getting better, they are not sure why but they are doing tests.
Sounds simple.
Two days later we get a call, they have found signs of cancer and they are going to do more tests on 25 August. Still nothing to really worry about many cancers can be cured. We are concerned but don't worry too much.
Three days later, he has been rushed to hospital because he is looking distinctly yellow and there looks like there is a problem with his liver. The cancer tests have been put forward to three days time, the day after our Aunty's funeral. This is now the Saturday and we do a flying visit on the Sunday to see him. A little yellow does not do justice to the way he looks, he has lost a lot of weight and I have to say I am very worried, however at this point I think I'm the only person in the family worried, they are all talking tablets and Kemmo and all will be well.
The day of the funeral we phone up to get the results of the tests.....
He has days to live
How does this happen? Surely not in this advanced time when we know so much and can test for just about anything.
I break down at work when I get this news, I have never sobbed at work before but I did when I hung up the phone.
I am not ready to bury Neil.
Already we had a holiday planned but we pull a few strings and leave the next day. This is last Saturday, he looks so much worse, he is in a great deal of pain is talking about getting out of bed and going home and none of the medication seems to be helping him at all.
Sunday I wake to a voice saying, "Get up you have a funeral to organise"
We phone the hospital to find out they have had the worst night and rush straight up there with some nice hot coffee and some fresh faces.
I am not sure I will ever forget this day, its Sunday, only a week and a half from when we are told of the cancer.
During the day they do change the medication but now he has slipped into a coma, his lovely wife, bless her heart doesn't realise he is in a coma and thinks he is finally resting peacefully. I start to count the seconds between breaths, when I get to 6 seconds I know it will not be long now. Eventually we have to go and we are on the way back to the apartment when we get a call, Neil has passed away can we come back.
I don't think I was truly ready for what I saw when we walked back in the room, his son was phoning up letting people know, his wife is prostrate across his body sobbing inconsolably and his daughter is sitting is shock, rocking back and forward on her chair, no tears, and such a very vacant look.
That was a week and a day ago.
Today we laid Neil to rest and it was only 3 weeks ago the cancer was not there three weeks ago when testing was done, it was so aggressive that by the Friday a week after finding it his liver and kidney have failed and there is a massive tumor in his lungs.
I know Neil is in a better place, but I know I am going to miss him terribly.
