But im sick

For the past couple of days I have truly enjoyed coughing and sneezing and loosing my voice.

We have all been sick, runny nose and eyes, cough, the consistent sneezing.  All we want is a little sympathy and a hot cup of tea.

Have you noticed some peoples response to you though, like you are a plague carrier and are infecting all and sundry but you presence.

Of course I have been sad and sorry for myself, I don't mean to sneeze it just happens, the same as the cough, I am using a tissue to cover my face.  Please don't look at me like I'm Typhoid Mary..


I'm sick....
 

When that curve ball finally hits you

I had said in a previous post that I had felt that the axe man was hovering above my head and was I ready for what was to come...

Last night the phone rings, even before the phone is answered you just know you don't want to.  Something is wrong and if you don't answer the phone call you can pretend that everything is ok.

How do you prepare yourself for bad news, well outside of refusing to hear it. 

A close family member has cancer!

Lung, liver and kidney

You're numb as your listening giving all the right answers, you hope, and working out how quickly you can take time off work and go and see them.

The specialist has not been contacted yet but are we talking weeks, months or years?

Today is one of those surreal days where everyone is going about life, as they should, and you are just trying to put one foot in front of the other.  As people looked me in the eye this morning I couldn't help wonder if they could tell that something was troubling me or do I do a very good job of covering my shock?

I don't know if I will feel better in two weeks when I get to see him and assess for myself how well he is or shock at seeing how much weight he has lost and how jaundice he looks.

So I get down on my knees to pray, pray that the right words will be given to me that will help him, not me and that I haven't left it too late in going to visit.

ps.  Just had a phone call to say my Aunty has died. (this was not the same family member referred to above) I am finding today a little hard to handle without tears right now.

pss. 2 days later - my brother in law has been rushed to hospital, no idea of his condition yet, tomorrow I see how he is, I don't feel confident about what I'm going to find, or how long he has left to live.

Brave new world

Today I enter the brave new world that is IPhone's.

I have resisted this world wide phenomena of IPhone's till now but today, today I become one of the sheep and have to navigate my way around app stores.

Normally, with new technology, I am always an early adopter, loving the newest and fastest whatever.  Mobiles however I really resisted, maybe it was how I see people almost addicted to these devices unable to interact with people around them or even continue with a conversation because someone was calling/emailing/texting or now playing a game with them.

Wish me luck as I try and work out how to type with my thumbs, all this time I have learned to touch type and now I learn to type with thumbs, who would of predicted that one.

That strange feeling

I woke this morning with that feeling that everything was not right.  You can't quiet put your finger on it just that eerie feeling, that sense of foreboding.

You find yourself looking over your shoulder, double guessing all your decisions and looking at everyone you meet in that 'What are you up to' way.

I hate to live like the axeman has his axe poised over your head but there are some days you just know something is going to knock you for six, and you just hope your strong enough for whatever is coming your way.

Waking dream

I have been feeling like I have been in a waking dream all day.

Fell asleep on the train this morning only to wake and look panicked around, firstly to see if I had gone past my stop and secondly to see if anyone is snickering in my general direction because I had been snoring.

Meeting at work, dosed off again....

Lunch, you will be pleased to know I stayed awake but only because I sat at a coffee shop with friends and it was cold so the cool air kept me alert.

I have to say its quite nice to have that 'floating through the day feel' but hope I don't need to snap into alert mode at a moments notice, I could have some problems with that.