The worst three weeks of my life...

I still feel numb, the tears have left my eye's dry and gritty.

Let me start back to two weeks ago.

We get a call that my brother-in-law is sick with pneumonia and not getting better, they are not sure why but they are doing tests.

Sounds simple.

Two days later we get a call, they have found signs of cancer and they are going to do more tests on 25 August.  Still nothing to really worry about many cancers can be cured.  We are concerned but don't worry too much.

Three days later, he has been rushed to hospital because he is looking distinctly yellow and there looks like there is a problem with his liver.  The cancer tests have been put forward to three days time, the day after our Aunty's funeral.  This is now the Saturday and we do a flying visit on the Sunday to see him.  A little yellow does not do justice to the way he looks, he has lost a lot of weight and I have to say I am very worried, however at this point I think I'm the only person in the family worried, they are all talking tablets and Kemmo and all will be well.

The day of the funeral we phone up to get the results of the tests.....

He has days to live

How does this happen? Surely not in this advanced time when we know so much and can test for just about anything.

I break down at work when I get this news, I have never sobbed at work before but I did when I hung up the phone.

I am not ready to bury Neil.

Already we had a holiday planned but we pull a few strings and leave the next day.  This is last Saturday, he looks so much worse, he is in a great deal of pain is talking about getting out of bed and going home and none of the medication seems to be helping him at all. 

Sunday I wake to a voice saying, "Get up you have a funeral to organise"

We phone the hospital to find out they have had the worst night and rush straight up there with some nice hot coffee and some fresh faces.

I am not sure I will ever forget this day, its Sunday, only a week and a half from when we are told of the cancer.

During the day they do change the medication but now he has slipped into a coma, his lovely wife, bless her heart doesn't realise he is in a coma and thinks he is finally resting peacefully.  I start to count the seconds between breaths, when I get to 6 seconds I know it will not be long now.  Eventually we have to go and we are on the way back to the apartment when we get a call, Neil has passed away can we come back.

I don't think I was truly ready for what I saw when we walked back in the room, his son was phoning up letting people know, his wife is prostrate across his body sobbing inconsolably and his daughter is sitting is shock, rocking back and forward on her chair, no tears, and such a very vacant look.

That was a week and a day ago.

Today we laid Neil to rest and it was only 3 weeks ago the cancer was not there three weeks ago when testing was done, it was so aggressive that by the Friday a week after finding it his liver and kidney have failed and there is a massive tumor in his lungs.

I know Neil is in a better place, but I know I am going to miss him terribly.